Who Are We When No One Knows Our Name?

Posted on October 23, 2010 by Scott Gould

I read a great line in a post by Carra Hughes Greer on “Virtual Values“. In it, Carra discusses the virtual reality of things like ethics, morality and values, citing bullying and therefore cyber bulling as one of her main examples that the online world is by no means an ethical utopia, but requires the same kind of social awareness that we have offline.

She finishes with this excellent line:

I think about the adage, “Character is who you are when no one is watching.” It seems the adage must be slightly updated to fit our context, “Character is who you present yourself to be and the things you say when no one knows your real-world name.”

I really resonate with this. I wrote in this article at the beginning of the year that as a community, we must stop giving value to those who are unaccountable. It seems everyone can have their two cents today, without being accountable for the words they speak because they hide their real-world name.

What Carra says won’t resonate with everyone though. I got a lot of criticism earlier this year and most of it from people without real-world names on Twitter or the comments on this blog. For many people, character and accountability don’t matter. But for those of us for whom it does, this is a call to up our game.

I know many times I’ve behaved in a way online – even with my name visible – that I wouldn’t offline. So thank you, Carra, for calling me on it.

Your Leading Thoughts

Who are you when no one knows your real-world name? (Or when no one knows your real-world face?)

Photo by Toni Blay

Get In The Arena

Posted on July 24, 2010 by Scott Gould

Most churches have passive banners from the 1980′s of Jesus on their walls. We have this quote by Roosevelt on a giant 4 x 3 metre banner I designed:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly; who errs and comes short again and again; because there is not effort without error and shortcomings; but who does actually strive to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion, who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least he fails while daring greatly. So that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.

Here’s the challenge:

1. Take this weekend to firstly rest and refreshen. Enjoy your loved ones, meet new people, go for a drive – whatever it is. Be sure you something that helps you get a bit of perspective. Mine is a drive in the country.

2. Then get out paper and pen, and write down the deepest things in your heart that you aren’t moving towards like you know you should do.

3. Pick one and write down the very next action, with a due date.

4. Surround yourself with comrades that are also in the arena, for accountability and encouragement. You’ll need them both.

5. Do it. And don’t listen to a single word from any detractors. (If you need to get over failure, read this from Olivier Blanchard.)

Your Leading Thoughts

What is it?

A Work In Progress

Posted on August 26, 2009 by Scott Gould

Yesterday was great fun. My post attracted plenty of heated debate and controversy, as well as some great discussion.

But what stood out to me was the criticism directed directly at me, because in my post I was confronting behaviour on Twitter that I used to partake of myself. So let the confession begin: I have retweeted myself multiple times in day. I have spent all day on Twitter. I have created noise in an attempt to cut through the noise. And I have followed over a thousand people in the attempt to get more followers.

Hands up. I did it.

The point is, as everyone will recognise, doing things wrong is part of learning to do them right. Take my doodle on the left. Moving towards the destination isn’t a straight line. It is one of going off track less and less, learning each time you curve away how to recognise it sooner and get back on track quicker. It is about staying balanced in your motivation.

That’s why as a husband, a blogger, a marketer, a friend, a pastor, a business man, as I was as a child, as I am as man, and one day will be as a father, I am:

A work in progress.

Is this a cop out? No. Being a work in progress isn’t license to do what you want without consequences, nor is it an escape to avoid responsibility. What it means is as you press as hard as you can towards the goal, take responsibility as man (or woman), and carry the consequence – as you do these – you know that there is room for growth, and you give yourself this room. It also means that you don’t take yourself too seriously.

Integrity is being who you say you are. I have been outspoken about clarity and action, and now about noise. I’ve made my commitment to you as part of this community. I’ve already said I’m winging it. Now I’m telling you I’m a work in progress too. Are you?

A Time For Peace, A Time For War

Posted on August 10, 2009 by Scott Gould

In running Aaron+Gould, and in a leadership role at my church, I have a fair few battles to deal with on a weekly basis – all around people. People are the most wonderful thing in life, yet they are also the most complex. Whether it’s work, family, marriage or friends, there are always battles in your relationships. We all have critics, complainers, contenders and competitors.

Battles aren’t wrong. Disagreement, fall outs, and then making amends is like breaking a bone – when it heals, it makes the relationship stronger.

What I’ve been pondering this weekend is how do you decide what battles to fight, and which to leave? Is leaving a battle the same as loosing it? Or do you only loose if you fight and don’t win? Furthermoor, what makes a win?

I’ve always considered that you only go to war when the spoils are worth the endeavour.

That means you need to assess the scale of the battle and the potential scale of the outcome. Battling to get my wife to stop buying more shoes probably will take a lot of my emotional energy, and doesn’t have any spoils in the short term because she just doesn’t see the hundreds of shoes in the closet! However the potential long term outcome of the battle could cost me thousands of pounds over the coming years.

Determining long term spoil from short term spoil requires you to play the ‘what if’ game. What if we carry on spending money on shoes every month? What if I continue letting my child have their way even if it’s a small thing. What if I continue letting my critics go unchallenged, even though no ones listening now? What if I stopped that bully at work always forcing their opinion?

Playing the what-if game requires you know yourself and your goals pretty well. You don’t need to be precise, but you can’t be vague.

What do you guys think? How do you decide what to fight for?

Life Never Closes Its Doors

Posted on August 4, 2009 by Scott Gould

I loved reading Leonard Speiser’s words on TechCrunch on Sunday: “Business hours are dead. 24/7 is the new 9 to 5.” As an often too-connected individual, I must say I am glad that I’ve embraced this principle and moved my agency from time constraints to a non-geographically bound entity with international clients.

Whilst I’m only beginning to grasp what this global village is all about, most of us know that life, unlike business, never closes its doors. Putting your feet up at the end of day might mean your colleagues aren’t watching you, but your partner and/or kids certainly are. And whoever it is that you are in a position of influence with – children, friends, colleagues – the fact is that they always have their eyes on you.

George Ambler put it this way: Leaders live in a fish bowl. There’s always the human, or the cat, looking in to see what you’ll do next. Life doesn’t close is doors.

Now I think we need down time. And for sure, we’ll let people down because no-one’s perfect. But that doesn’t make me shun or despise the fact that people are watching me. To be given influence in that way is a privilege, and I’m of the opinion that if someone wants to watch me, then I want to make it worth their while. For me? No. For them. Because if they’ve granted me the honour of their attention, then I want to give them the honour of mine.

Leading 24/7 is hard. But if I have something to give, then I want to give it. If I can add value, then I want to add it. Like Roosevelt said:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena…

So, whether people are watching you to see how you succeed, or are watching in the hope that you’ll fail, decide that you’ll give them a good show. Or, should I say ‘a great experience‘?