I had a friend who runs an small business tell me the other day something pretty sobering. He’s been trying to adopt more of the social mindset in work, and after months of being ‘helpful’, both on Twitter, and then extending that into offline meetups, his wife relayed the harsh truth back to him that all this social effort had made him more tired, made him more distracted, and hurt their profits, not increased them.
I work about 14 – 18 hours every day, including Sundays, no exaggeration. I spend about the equivalent of one of those days meeting up with people, an hour per appointment. Some of these are people from Church, but most are people who meet me on Twitter and want to say hi, as well as local business people. Having raised £100,000 for the local economy through Like Minds, I care about my city, and spending time with people is part of the investment that I’m making to boast our city’s standing as a hub of Social Media in the UK.
Needless to say within an hour, you get a lot of good advice. So recently when I said to these local people that we need to turn all free advice and counsel I’d given into a business relationship, and provided a clear list of services, I was rather shocked when only 3 responded with some kind of positivity.
It’s a sobering lesson. You can spend all your time helping people at your expense, and get nothing back. Cue the countless number of Social Media Solos who are pumping at Twitter, networking, blogging, giving out plenty of help, and then sit with nothing in the ‘in’ column at the end of the week. What do you do?
When Helping You Is Hurting Me
I’m right behind the mantra of being helpful. I help people all day everyday and am not inclined to stop. But what do you do when helping people is hurting you? What do you do when being that useful and helpful person comes at a high cost that isn’t being recuperated?
- Create a limit. Otherwise, you’ll burn out. Control how many people you can see in a week, how much advice you can give, etc.
- Create mass help. I always point people to my blog, or other people’s blogs. No need to sit down with me if you can read it in 5 minutes.
- Set some homework. Some people just want the magic formula that no one can give. So I set a little bit of homework. If you aren’t prepared to read up, then I’m not prepared to meet up. This clears out the jokers.
- Dig deep. Cultivate deeper connections with the relationships you already have. Scale the levels of communication. Connection trumps community.
One of the best posts I read this last week was by David Riley on the PROBlogger site, called “Poor bloggers focus too much on blog posts“. If you’re stuck in the helping / blogging / creating side, and it’s hurting you, read this.
Fabulous post Scott and it is sobering! Your first point about creating limits is absolutely spot on. We have to set boundaries for ourselves and others. We live in a world of interruption and we have to restore order over our time. That said, we all get an enormous amount of pleasure and satisfaction out of helping people, its part of being human. However, it can only enrich our lives if we control it.Thanks for the pointers.Ann
Hey Scott,This builds on the 'value' vs 'volume' theme discussed in the comments of your previous posts.A 'value'-based strategy (deep connections) has a strong “no” i.e. strong boundaries and limits – help the strong help others.A 'volume'-based strategy (broad connections) has a strong “yes” i.e. huge welcome mat – help everybody.A volume strategy without systems and processes to scale the help can quickly lead to exhaustion of resources (personal/corporate). This 'scaled help' is another huge topic.A value strategy without clearly define “No” criteria and the discipline to follow-through quickly becomes a frustrated volume strategy.Best, Robin
(now back from leave).
Hey AnnAnd the reality is that you help the local scene, and others get the rewards. As Robin says above, value over volume. I'm cutting out those who just suck all the life out and give nothing back. I'm working with top people around the world, but in Exeter, people don't want to work with me.Moving on out.Thanks for stopping by as ever Ann
Scott
Robin you are on of my dearest friends and a perfect example of value over volume. Money has not passed between our hands, but we continually give each other praise, respect, ideas, share knowledge and experience, and promote each other.I'm developing a strong NO to say NO to people who aren't coming through on this.Glad you're back – looking forward to talking through some ideas!Scott
Its a great point Scott and one that has been resonating with many for a while now. For me its about making relatively quick decisions on who brings value to you as a business and an individual. If it's always take and not enough give then the relationship should end, irrespective of financial return. If someone gives me back what i give then I'm happy to continue. I, like you, suffer the same problems and am working hard at being more clinical in my approach to these situations.
We think alike.I've got an idea for a way to control who I see. I'm tired of giving free advice.S
It's very interesting this Scott, I've been speaking to a few people recently suffering from the same problems. I too get the 'oh you're on your iphone again' from my girlfriend
I'm sure it's not uncommon at all. We all definately need to define boundaries or as you state we'll burn out. Chris Brogan wrote a post on re-drawing recently (well actually he wrote a couple) – one is here: http://www.chrisbrogan.com/redrawing/ I think we could all learn a lot from this. It's great to be accessible and helpful but there are too many people out there willing to take advantage of that. I'm keen to build my networks and connections with the people I trust and who add value this year. I'm not going off radar completely or anything, I just want to concentrate on putting into action what I've been talking about for the last 12 months.2010 is now about getting things done.
Hey MateMy boundaries are pretty good at home. After spending time with Chris I was impressed by how he focussed completely on the person he was with. When his laptop was open, he pushed it, but he never preferred it over the person in front of him.I'm doing the same – valuing people there with me over others. I don't use my phone to tweet much now (which is why I'm silent on weekends ATM)From the sounds of things, you're going to 'dig deep' and develop those deeper relationships that have helped you. Let me know how it goes.For me, 2010 has already seen me make things happen. I no longer feel the need to prove myself to Exeter. If people want my expert help, they can pay for it. If people don't see value in it, then my expertise and little black book are closed to them.After helping people non-stop on Twitter for 18 months, I'm now streamlining how I'm helping the crowd, and focussing on working closer with the committed (like you say)Let me know how things go!Scott
I haven't really been reading Scotts blog in a while but having met with him last night and discussing many of these issues I decided I should.I also decided to put my thoughts on this – some of which I've been pondering for a while together too, which can be found here: http://www.know.me.uk/vince/I guess the key to all this is simple – ask the people to pay for your time, skill, expertise and energy. If they don't want to then move on without them. Don't do favours and giveaways all the time.
Hi ScottExcellent and thought provoking post as usual, and a valuable lesson in balance.Like you, I was struck by the PROblogger post, which said that you need a real business underlying any other stuff that you do, be that blogging, social media or networking. All these things are the extras you need to be doing and not an end in themselves. They are the things that makes you bigger than your business.It is a privilege to follow other like minded people who are experimenting with the new media in different ways and sharing their experience. I am trying to keep up and add my small contribution where possible. However, I know form experience that it is so hard to turn this effort into business success.I have been writing newsletters for years on my http://www.SuperLiving.co.uk web site, and not really generating any detectable extra business. However yesterday, one of my newsletter readers phoned me for advice on choosing a blood pressure monitor and this resulted in a very nice sale. It just shows that these things take time, but that returns can be slow.Keep up the inspiration, but don't forget what pays the rent.Best wishes, Colin
This links to another one of your key points too. The chorus likes to sing “Amen”, but how many of them will get out there and organise something? The younger generations are utterly terrible for this. We like to sing from the rooftops when there is a cause involved, so long as someone else organises it, attends it, and then videos it for us.That presents us with two challenges. 1) How can we make what we do relevant beyond our boundaries and actually reach out into the mainstream conciousness 2) How do we motivate people to take action?
Hey ColinThanks for the encouragement and the reminder to stick to the business! The PROBlogger article was very good, and Chris Brogan wrote a similar one today (http://www.chrisbrogan.com/the-importance-of-mo…)In the Like Minds LinkedIn group, Aren Grimshaw also posted a comment very similar to the discussion on this thread which is very pertinent too.So Colin, how are you drawing the line?Scott
Hey VinceThanks for the comment and the post – I had a read and it certainly helps. Vince's points were, for those who haven't read:”If you’re finding you’re Mr (or Mrs!) Popular but you never seem to make any money to live on, think about this:1. Assess why you are popular – I started looking at who was phoning me more and looking at if they ever phoned me when they didn’t just want something. People who just touch base and ask how I am, or meet up with me randomly just “because” tend to be proper friends. Those who only ever call when they want something are just leeching, so I don’t normally have much to do with them anymore. Give those people a chance, explain the bottom line – they’ll either cough up or they’ll find the next person to leech from. Let them go – they are hurting you.2. Have Two-Way Exchanges – Remember that if people are asking you to “give away” your skills, capability, technical resources and time, then they’re probably also not likely to offer you something in return, so it’s a one sided exchange. You can be amazingly popular if you’re giving stuff away – so unless you just crave the popularity, stop letting people use you. Find out if they’d do the same – try using the resource, skill and capability they have. Remember too, even if there is a mutual supply – invoice eachother – if you’re invoicing similar amounts it cancels out anyway, but it sets up the principle of billing from the outset – you’ll avoid doing more and more as part of your favours, which leads me nicely to:3. Start on Business Terms – if you begin your dealings on a business footing you’ll create a sustainable working relationship. Do ludicrous deals at the beginning or do the free favours and you’ll find it totally impossible to move up to charging properly later. After all the other person now knows you’re a mug and will take the deal no matter how poor. If you’re doing work for someone INVOICE them. Don’t do “mates rates” – except where it truely makes sense and business is regular, quality and represents value to you.4. Be bold – accept that doing it means you’ll get less calls, be less popular, and some will even bad mouth you for not giving away your time and energy. Stick with it – after all surely you’re better off working and earning for 5 people, than you are working but not earning for 10 people? You’ll have more time to devote too especially to those who actually pay the bills.”
Hey SyThanks for the comments that help ADD value to the discussion.Robin Dickinson writes extensively about this, and him and i talk about it a lot. Our conclusion is that:1. Draw people into the next circle, as per my model here: http://scottgould.me/preaching-to-the-converted/Each person that becomes 'connected', rather than just being part of your 'community', extends you by virtue of their network. The value relationship (as opposed to volume), means you build a depth whereby you help one another and add value to one another in a meaningful and effective way.2. Motivate people – well, Robin and I think: Do, Talk Do. Do something, then talk to them about it. Envision them. Then do.Good book to read: Leading Change, by John Kotter … affiliate link
(http://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/product/0875847471?i…)
Bought the book, and just got an email about…http://www.thedrum.co.uk/news/2010/04/20/13514-…Reached out to the lady in the article about doing an event in Leeds. Good timing sir.
How am I drawing the line? Good question.I have spent the last 2 years changing my business model from an online pharmacy to a portal about health, happiness and success. The first worked well with Web 1.0, but is now suffering from severe price competition as I predicted. The second is geared to Web 2.0. Fortunately the first business is sustaining the change while I spend long periods of time learning about and incorporating the new social media models into an integrated whole.I am drawing the line at doing whatever I have to to make the business sustainable in the future. It's a plan for future survival thing, rather than a life balance thing. I am also levering the advantages I have to find joint venture partners to work with.Great ideas, great fun, and talking to great people.The whole thing is circular. The more I learn about new things the more I can turn this round to improve the core business as well as extending it.In the end what I do is a value judgment each day.Best wishes,Colinp.s. And the ROI for all this extra work? In a word survival.
Sy, will check out this link – what are you reaching out to do with them?
A similar event in Leeds, across the faculties of Leeds uni, and welcoming former students / alumni.
yeah, sometime help someone including friend probably can hurt himself, but it is not always true, when we help someone, we also can get help from him or anybody else. http://www.fortunerentcar.com